One For The (Gimme Back My) Money

One For The Money (2012)
Chick Flick Rating: ♥ ♥ (2/5)
Film Rating: (1/5)
Boyfriend friendly: There is shooting, car explosions, & a millisecond of Katie Heigl side-boob action.

If the highlight of a movie is the trailer you see before it, something’s up. (BTW if you haven’t seen the trailer for “The Lucky One,” the latest Nicholas Sparks installment starring ZAC EFRON, watch it here after reading my review. Tip: Pause at 2:07, pretend it’s your hand down Zac’s pants, & let out a big “Have Mercy” in your best Uncle Jesse voice.)

One For The Money is based on the best-selling novel by Janet Evanovich, about Stephanie Plum: lingerie-salesperson-turned-bounty-hunter, whose first job is to bring in bail-skipping murder suspect Joe Morelli…who happened to take her virginity when she was 17 on the floor of a Tasty Pastry. Now, movies are never as good as the books they’re adapted from. I accepted that a long time ago, and generally do an OK job separating the two. But I don’t think they even tried here – which is a shame, considering this is an 18-part & counting book series with serious franchise potential. Even if you haven’t read the books (major mistake on your part), it should be obvious what a horrendous effort this was.

I have deemed myself a Katherine Heigl champion, defending her harshly criticized work in 27 Dresses, The Ugly Truth, and Life As We Know It. And I’m still not going to criticize her. I’m going to criticize the people who cast her. What part of Stephanie Plum – a clumsy, brunette bounty hunter with a thick Jersey accent – screams Katherine Heigl?
I honestly would’ve preferred it if they lost the painfully wrong accent and sloppy dye job and just let her do her thing. Or if they cast someone like Anne Hathaway who has that “I’m awkward but hot” vibe down. Bringing me to the bigger question…

…WHO in the casting department was Irish actor Jason O’Mara sleeping with to get the role of Joe Morelli: Italian heartthrob with hard muscle, black hair, and Mediterranean complexion?! He’s a decent actor but was there no just-as-decent Italian-looking actor? Milo Ventimiglia pulled off that Italian badass thing real well in Gilmore Girls/Rocky VI. If these casting directors find work in Hollywood again it’s only because of their choice with Sherri Shepherd as Lula. She was hysterically fantastic!

I still gave this a Rom Com rating of 2/5 “hearts”. There were some good laughs, the premise is great, and it was slightly better than that other Jersey-based bounty hunter romcom (What was that called again?). If you haven’t read the books, read them. If you haven’t seen the movie, wait till it’s on Netflix. Thankfully, I got a 1/2 price ticket through Groupon. Otherwise this Jersey girl might be going bounty hunter on Lionsgate’s ass.

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