Celebrity Freebie List

For anyone not familiar – the almighty Celebrity Freebie List is a special liberty bestowed upon all couples by the writers of “Friends” giving each partner in a relationship the right to choose a maximum of 5 celebrities that they are allowed to sleep with, without being penalized, should the situation present itself. Since I mentioned in my review of Wanderlust that Paul Rudd made my cut, and since both Rudd and Aniston were major characters on Friends, I decided to make my list official by posting it here.

DISCLAIMER: My list is extremely unconventional, and even more impractical than others because of it. But I have my reasonings and you can’t fake true feelings…

Drumroll please

1) Neil Patrick Harris
2) John Krasinski
3) Paul Rudd
4) Joseph Gordon-Levitt
5) Jimmy Fallon

Yes, I am serious. Yes, I am aware the likelihood of any of the above are zilch because my list includes 1 gay man, 1 rumored-to-be gay man, and 3 married men. But to be honest, I feel like I have just as good a shot as getting NPH to sleep with me as I do Ryan Gosling. So I’d rather give the spot to a really awesome gay man than a really beautifully pretty man. Because pretty men make me feel so… not pretty.

Not too long ago, this list would’ve been completely different (i.e. Derek Jeter, Justin Timberlake, Ryan Gosling, Andrew Garfield, Jon Hamm). And sure, it’d be awesome to tell people I slept with the captain of the Yankees or Don Draper or Spiderman, but what would the experience actually be like? Answer: Me not even enjoying it because I’m totally uncomfortable, sucking in my tummy and wishing I had done a few more squats that week to tighten up the ass cellulite. With this current list? I’d be laughing so much at their jokes that I wouldn’t have the chance to stress. I’m also pretty confident that My Five would be just as mind-blowing in the bedroom as the more hunky Hollywood hunks. Even NPH should know how to pleasure a lady… he is Barney Legen-Fucking-Dary Stinson!!

Realistically, I should probably find it in my heart to cross off NPH and put Jason Segel on there somewhere, since he’s both straight and single (because those are definitely the only two things stopping me from NPH). He’s super cute in a doofy way, the Muppet fetish is kinky, and thanks to Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I know he’s got the full package if ya know what I mean. But there is nothing realistic about this list so, for now, NPH stays.

SIDENOTE: My boyfriend apparently doesn’t care about the whole “sleeping with someone prettier than you” thing. His list: Jennifer Aniston, Mila Kunis, Brooklyn Decker, Jessica Alba, Bar Refaeli. WTF is he smoking, right?

What’s your list?! Tell me below!

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4 thoughts on “Celebrity Freebie List

  1. Funny story: My co-workers and I a year or so ago all made our list of “celebrity islands”.. I literally updated mine like 2 days ago… and I totally agree that the prettier the man, the more uncomf. I’d be…I took Ryan Reynolds off the list because I wouldn’t be able to function if I was in the same BUILDING as him, let alone anywhere near him. Because yeah, I have a chance with any of these dudes!! 😉 And also, disclaimer, I guess I kinda dig older blokes, so you need not feel any shame for your list. 😉
    In no order: Jon Hamm, Jack Davenport, Colin Firth, Captain Von Trapp, Bill Murray, Mr. Bates from Downton Abbey, Sean Bean, John Cusack, Kyle Chandler, and Alan Rickman. I adore Snape (and got to meet him last year! *dies*)
    ~Annie

  2. Oooh, this is fun!

    I’d have to say my list would be as follows: Jon Hamm (sexy!), Patrick John Flueger (the 4400), James Marsters (Spike can do me Any time), Nathan Fillion, Simon Baker. I could keep going. I have a thing for the men that have appeared in anything Joss Whedon created really (NPH, Nicholas Brendan? Dreamy!).

  3. Ooh, you guys both have great lists. Btw… I just realized a minute ago, that I put “Jim Krasinski” instead of “John Krasinski”… I have a tendency to remember people’s names by the characters they play and was definitely in full “Office” mode. Oops!

    Annie – the Snape crush is an interesting one… I was always more of a Sirius Black girl myself! I’m jealous you got to meet Alan Rickman though, I feel like he must be really charming in person. He seems like one of those dapper British gents.

    Rose – OMG. Spike. I think I’m going to have to make a “Fictional Character Freebie List” soon. He’d be at the top of it. I am convinced Joss Whedon brought Spike back to life on Angel after killing him off on Buffy because I wrote him a really angry five-page letter after Spike died. (Which he never answered/probably never got). Please tell me I’m not the only one who listens to Spike’s “Rest In Peace” song from the “Once More With Feeling” episode on a semi-regular basis.

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